Life Is Unfair

I feel so down and discouraged today. i know life is a “bummer” but i didn’t expect it to be worse than that. i guess you guys are thinking this is all about the continuous price increase of EVERYTHING – from oil, to gasoline/lpg, to transportation fee, to the food we eat.. well, you may be right, or maybe this might be a deeper problem than any other problems an individual can encounter.

It is just astonishing for me to realize that this is the LIFE. a life different from the life i got used to be. a life i should be adjusting to, for me to endure the heavy load i carry and will be carrying.. who knows? maybe there will be other several kinds of lives i will have after what i have right now. but only one thing is for sure: life will never be easy. how carefree you are and how untroubled you may be, there is still one or two very difficult times in your life that you cannot avoid.. do you believe in fate? destiny? whatever.

I really want to go to a place far from reality. i want to be free from this EVERYTHING – with no problems, no troubles, but with only happiness in me. it would be an ideal life that everyone wanted to have, right? of course i want to have that kind of life too. but where will you be in that case? you’ll only exist in the dreams and daydreams of every people.. i’d rather choose that than to live in this material world. why, you ask? i’m starting to hate everything: the world, my life, myself.

I want to cry without someone seeing me. why can’t i do that? why can’t i have my privacy when i wanted to? why is it i always have to be with the people i don’t want to be with? is this what life is all about? is this similar to sacrifice? my heart is in pain and it is almost broken, can’t somebody fix it? do i really have to feel this pain? should i always be like this? when will my heart be healed? i want to be with somebody, but who could it be?… only God knows. i want to cry it all out loud to Him.

Entry, June 19th

My God! i can’t take this anymore! i feel like i wanna commit suicide with what’s happening to me right now. argh.. i hate thursdays from now on. aside from the fact that i stepped on a bubblegum around lunch time today, we have whole day class every thursdays. and take note: we only have two subjects – PHC 1 (primary health care) and RLE (related learning experience), which is a 9-hour major subject! WTF. yes we do have a couple of breaks and a lunch break, but who can make it alive with a subject that long? and Room506 is as hell as RLE! the ACs (aircon, for your information) were turned off! what’s the problem with the school? are they saving electricity? LOL.

And now, i’m stuck here doing three things at the same time. it sounds funny but i ain’t joking. i’m doing a reaction paper actually, then typing this blog entry while surfing the net about monetizing blogs. i know i should be prioritizing my studies first but i really can’t stop doing miscellaneous things such as visiting this blog. i’m sensing that i need to make updates today.. addicted, huh? hahaha. but i do hate this habit of mine. i’m needing medications for it.

Speaking of blog monetizing. i realized that making money isn’t that easy especially when you are using your 18-days-old blog! hahaha! i’m receiving NO responses and NO offers so far from several paysites that i joined. my earnings for now don’t even reach a dollar yet. it’s a little embarrasing for me, yet funny at the same time. but the beginner/noob still doesn’t lose hope, he still believes he will be successful to this field. pray for me.

▄█▀ █▄ █▄█ ▀█▀

I’ve been seeing this subject at friendster bulletin lately. and of course, it’s another of what they call “Chain Messages”. i really hate those as well as forwarded messages and such stuffs. honestly, i can’t stop thinking how STUPID and IGNORANT people are, again, nowadays. are they really that superstitious that even a text message or an e-mail would affect their lives? c’mon guys, try using your COMMON SENSE. you’re a loser if you don’t have that.

Btw here’s the content of the bulletin if you haven’t seen it yet. LOL. [spoiler]

HAHA, i just think this is incredibly cooool

If You Dont Repost This As “▄█▀ █▄ █▄█ ▀█▀ ” In The Next 5 Minutes You Will Have Bad Relationship Problems For 10 Years

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—[/spoiler]

Sorry if i offended someone here.

A Vengeful Spirit

SH*T. it’s been six months since i had my 2nd shot for Hepa-B vaccine (remember my post before about it?). i’m quite sure that was last January 12, or maybe not. anyways. i just had my 3rd shot a while ago still at Medical City – SM Fairview. yup, Hepa-B vaccine has 3 shots and i was scheduled 0-1-6. i’m not sure with the interpretation but here goes: the first number (0), i think, means the month for your first shot. the second number (1) is the first month after you took the first shot, and the third (6) is the sixth month after the first shot. in my case, my shots were scheduled: December-January-June. clear?

So now, i’m Hepa-B free! yay. LOL. but since i will be third year next year (i just hope i could have good grades this school year), i will be prone to other kinds of diseases because of the duty-ing-things, such as Meninggococcemia. WTH ! so i was recommended to go back there after a month and have another vaccine against Mening.. blah blah.. wow! i noticed i’ve been having injections every month! and hey, injections are no jokes! they hurt you know. i can feel the vaccine flowing into my arms – i don’t like the feeling.. my pediatrician noticed it, and she said:

“Hayaan mo, makakabawi ka din sa mga pasyente mo pag naging nurse ka na. (don’t worry, you can take revenge to your patients when you become a nurse.)”

*MAKES A DEVIL’S GRIN, and an EVIL LAUGH*

But honestly, i’m not feeling well today because of the “shot”. me thinks i’ll be sick, huhuhu. and now i can’t concentrate on my assignment. i need love and care right now, anyone?

Wednesdays

For this semester, wednesdays would be my favorite day. why, you ask? because every wednesday is our free day. what does that mean? that means we don’t have classes every wednesdays! isn’t that great? no? you’re just jealous, that’s why. anyways. i want to start the day right. but it seems i failed to do so. everyone in this house annoys me! when will i have a peaceful day?

My mom was ranting again last night – she annoys me.

My brother was shouting this morning – he annoys me too.

My dad was angry a while ago – he really annoys me.

So much of that ranting stuff. i want to finish some of my unfinished business here. at school, i have this heavy load on my shoulders, and even here at home. argh. i’m ranting again! when will i stop ranting? how will i make wednesdays a nice day with all this rants?

First Day High

It’s the month of June! we all know what’s with June right? of course we do, especially the teens because this is the time we go back to school. some of the schools started earlier than expected, some will start this coming June 16, but most schools started today. and just like every first day of the school year, i got this nervous feeling a while ago. i always wonder why? btw. as usual, first day for me is BORING. there’s nothing new actually – just some fresh faces from section J who are now at our section, some boring teachers, and stuffs like these and those. well for a change, i kinda like the “new and still constructing” annex building. and i also missed the starbucks at the arcade! (fyi, an arcade is a cafeteria) haha.

We only have two subjects today and every tuesdays. and good heavens we only have to wait for one hour today before Biostatistics, our first subject. it starts at eight (8am). i remember just last year, we were at a room staring at space since 7am before we were told that our first class will be starting at 9am. WTH we were like stupid people for two hours! that was the worst first day i ever had. anyways i’m so happy today! we don’t have subjects scheduled every wednesdays! that means i still can have a little fun this sem.

Someone Cared For Us

FriendsterTalk sure is a fun forum. it does not only concentrate on tweaking and customizing friendster profiles but also shares some important and valuable informations. and while browsing the philippines section, i saw this essay posted by another member (thanks to trixiebalajadia for allowing me to share this at my blog).

MY SHORT ESSAY ABOUT THE PHILIPPINES
by Jaeyoun Kim

[spoiler]

Filipinos always complain about the corruption in the Philippines. Do you really think the corruption is the problem of the Philippines? I do not think so. I strongly believe that the problem is the lack of love for the Philippines.

Let me first talk about my country, Korea. It might help you understand my point. After the Korean War, South Korea was one of the poorest countries in the world. Koreans had to start from scratch because entire country was destroyed after the Korean War, and we had no natural resources. Koreans used to talk about the Philippines, for Filipinos were very rich in Asia. We envy Filipinos. Koreans really wanted to be well off like Filipinos. Many Koreans died of famine. My father & brother also died because of famine. Korean government was very corrupt and is still very corrupt beyond your imagination, but Korea was able to develop dramatically because Koreans really did their best for the common good with their heart burning with patriotism.

Koreans did not work just for themselves but also for their neighborhood and country. Education inspired young men with the spirit of patriotism. 40 years ago, President Park took over the government to reform Korea. He tried to borrow money from other countries, but it was not possible to get a loan and attract a foreign investment because the economic situation of South Korea was so bad. Korea had only three factories. So, President Park sent many mine workers and nurses to Germany so that they could send money to Korea to build a factory. They had to go through horrible experience.

In 1964, President Park visited Germany to borrow money. Hundred of Koreans in Germany came to the airport to welcome him and cried there as they saw the President Park. They asked to him, “President, when can we be well off?” That was the only question everyone asked to him. President Park cried with them and promised them that Korea would be well off if everyone works hard for Korea, and the President of Germany got the strong impression on them and lent money to Korea. So, President Park was able to build many factories in Korea. He always asked Koreans to love their country from their heart. Many Korean scientists and engineers in the USA came back to Korea to help developing country because they wanted their country to be well off. Though they received very small salary, they did their best for Korea. They always hoped that their children would live in well off country. My parents always brought me to the places where poor and physically handicapped people live. They wanted me to understand their life and help them. I also worked for Catholic Church when I was in the army. The only thing I learned from Catholic Church was that we have to love our neighborhood. And, I have loved my neighborhood. Have you cried for the Philippines? I have cried for my country several times. I also cried for the Philippines because of so many poor people. I have been to the New Bilibid prison. What made me sad in the prison were the prisoners who do not have any love for their country. They go to mass and work for Church. They pray everyday. However, they do not love the Philippines. I talked to two prisoners at the maximum-security compound, and both of them said that they would leave the Philippines right after they are released from the prison. They said that they would start a new life in other countries and never come back to the Philippines. Many Koreans have a great love for Korea so that we were able to share our wealth with our neighborhood. The owners of factory and company were distributed their profit to their employees fairly so that employees could buy what they needed and saved money for the future and their children.

When I was in Korea, I had a very strong faith and wanted to be a priest. However, when I came to the Philippines, I completely lost my faith. I was very confused when I saw many unbelievable situations in the Philippines. Street kids always make me sad, and I see them everyday. The Philippines is the only Catholic country in Asia, but there are too many poor people here. People go to church every Sunday to pray, but nothing has been changed. My parents came to the Philippines last week and saw this situation. They told me that Korea was much poorer than the present Philippines when they were young. They are so sorry that there are so many beggars and street kids. When we went to Pasangjan, I forced my parents to take a boat because it would fun. However, they were not happy after taking a boat. They said that they would not take the boat again because they were sympathized the boatmen, for the boatmen were very poor and had a small frame. Most of people just took a boat and enjoyed it. But, my parents did not enjoy it because of love for them. My mother who has been working for Catholic Church since I was very young told me that if we just go to mass without changing ourselves, we are not Catholic indeed. Faith should come with action. She added that I have to love Filipinos and do good things for them because all of us are same and have received a great love from God. I want Filipinos to love their neighborhood and country as much as they love God so that the Philippines will be well off. I am sure that love is the keyword, which Filipinos should remember. We cannot change the sinful structure at once. It should start from person. Love must start in everybody, in a small scale and have to grow. A lot of things happen if we open up to love. Let’s put away our prejudices and look at our worries with our new eyes. I discover that every person is worthy to be loved. Trust in love, because it makes changes possible. Love changes you and me. It changes people, contexts and relationships. It changes the world. Please love your neighborhood and country. Jesus Christ said that whatever we do to others we do to Him. In the Philippines, there is God for people who are abused and abandoned. There is God who is crying for love. If you have a child, teach them how to love the Philippines. Teach them why they have to love their neighborhood and country. You already know that God also will be very happy if you love others.

That’s all I really want to ask you Filipinos.

[/spoiler]

—

I was glad that someone cared so much for our country that she even wrote an essay to express it. yet a little disappointing to me knowing that the person was a korean, and not another filipino like us.

It is true that people always blame the government for being corrupt, and we can’t even erase the fact that our government IS AND ALWAYS corrupted. but blaming and holding grudges against them is not the way to solve the problems we are facing. to be honest, i just can’t stop thinking how stupid filipinos are. if they have plenty of time to hold and start rallies, protests, and other movements, why don’t they have time to reflect about what they are saying? they’re so childish to act something like that. they keep on saying they want a “change”, well i hope the change they want would start on them. that’s already common sense right? people always say it, even at advertisements show that “change SHALL start and reflect on ourselves first, then the family, the church, the community, before change will affect the whole country”. it doesn’t come and appear instantly like magic, it will be a one step at a time process. there’s no need to rush things.

I know i don’t have the right to criticize and talk like i’m innocent. i’m also a human being after all. but i just wanted everybody to know that it’s not actually only the government’s fault, but it is also our fault.